I just clicked November 2008 on my blog. We went nite cycling with our wings and horns and neon bands on Halloween night. I ran and swam so frequently. I blogged regularly. I hated dispensing lab. But man I wanna be a student again. It's really a different kind of life altogether. ):
OK my bro's getting married in 2 weeks. I'm the photographer. Tell me about having to meet expectations. The family doesn't believe that I'm ill-equipped (VERY ill-equipped in fact!) and not skilled enough (how about not skilled at all?!), but when it comes to being really budget, what to do? That said I haven't touched my camera in ages and all those photography email subscriptions have just been clicked and dumped into the photog folder after nothing more than a quick browse. Let's hope he finds a photog friend to do it for free soon, so the pressure is off me. On a separate note, I need an outfit and since I have to take photos, I'd probably have to bend over and squat etc so I was thinking of pants. Being the very non-fashionista person that I am and having not touched the newspapers for the past 4 months, I have come to realise I am so outdated.
So anybody any suggestions? Pants-y outfits? Jumpsuits? Too casual? Super nice tops that wouldn't fall off? How about comfy long-enough dresses that are free from zao-gng episodes? Shoes and accessories to go too? Oh let's make them stuff I can wear out or to work too..
You're not the only one who can raise voice and bang table OK!
If you're in such desperate need of my medicine and my service in my country, you jolly well play by our rules. I don't give a hoot about how much money you have and whether you wear the latest fashion or drip with baubles or even if you can buy my whole shop over. Neither do I need you to take my medicine and bang it on the table and demand a reply from my already very patient pharmacist on why my country has so many laws. It's precisely because we're regulated that we're civilised and developed and first world, yet much less snooty than the rich minority in your humongous country. Don't want the hassle? Then go get your medicines elsewhere.
I don't need your business for just one box of antihypertensives. Get your arrogant airs, snooty faces, fat-laden asses out my shop and off my puny, but powerful red dot! Maybe you should go learn some manners. Oh and remember to ask your government along too.
I rarely do this to myself cos I don't believe in regrets. But I've been spending my longlonglong weekend (I didn't have to work for 3 days!!! What a rare treat!) watching Young and Dangerous 古惑仔之人在江湖 DVDs with my man. I never knew what they were about until I met him. They're movies about Hong Kong triads and gangsterism, but I think it's not all trash and violence as some may think, that's what led to this post I guess.
What I wanted to say is that if I could reallyreally live life all over again, I'd choose to live life more on the edge, live such that I test boundaries and break some. Live such that I get into trouble and somehow work around it. I think with all that, I might be a person who's more real, more decisive, bolder and my life could have a tad more excitement and I'd appreciate the finer things better.
I know I'm gonna draw some flak here because there are better ways to be real and decisive and there's no need to go through trash to learn lessons. But I guess I feel my life has been way too cushy and sheltered and I've always done the norm, been the norm for all 23 years of my existence, sometimes I feel like I'm just another person cast in a certain mould. It's not to say that I'd like to be born into a secret society family and wield knives or anything like in those movies (although they did glorify that lifestyle a whole lot!). What I could have possibly lived with was some danger, some rebellion, some rule-breaking and less of being goody 2-shoes. Cos after being goody for too long, the urge to break out and do something crazy will somehow surface.
Yeah just a thought. Maybe it's the influence of the movies. Maybe it's just me being impressionable. But no regrets! Life goes on and will still be good.
And Lian has said she'll teach me some canto. And I've still got the emo canto song whose meaning I have absoulutely no understanding of stuck in my head. And yes I think Mr. Ekin Cheng of 1996, 7, 8 was cool. And most of all I understand why my man thinks he's cool. Cos of the traits he had in the movies. Manly, yet honourable and loyal. All things a man must have, minus the hooliganism of course.
Or maybe I'm just a closet gangster girl haha. Or perhaps it's true that 男人不坏, 女人不愛.
This page is somewhat like a ghost town. That's not to say the past weeks went by without anything significant happening. In fact, the past weeks were nothing short of crazy.
There was the NATAS fair, which I only had one reason to go for - to sweep all the brochures about Japan I could find into the sort of handy reusable bag everyone received at the door. It was really a bag loaded and heavy with all things Japan at the end of the night. That weekend saw us sorting everything out in Parry's room despite have a viva and an mcq test to study for. It was mayhem, but it was exciting just having something to look forward to at the end of pre-reg. Just the 2 of us kinda thing and a real holi-holiday after starting work sans grad trip.
Now that we're armed with that stack of brochures and a Lonely Planet, it's down to planning and most importantly, saving whatever we can before we get to say konichiwa and eating one of my favourite cuisines everyday for 2 weeks!
Shortly after all that happiness and excitement, came some kinda of bomb that really made my week. It actually made my past 2 weeks. Shall not bother elaborating anymore, but it was something that I've never been so angry about before, something that made me empty my tear ducts and stay away from home every night for 2 weeks, only stepping in when I was sure everyone was asleep. I'd never wanted so badly to move out and stay by myself before and most of those 2 weeks saw me in an unfriendly, antisocial and ultra-sensitive mood. It didn't help that there were viva and mcq test to study for at the end of each working day. So it was eyebags, bad acne breakout and Melody the grouch for those days. But all that said, things are getting better I guess and I think most important of all, I've given up trying to be nice and battling within myself, in hope that as I give up doing all of that, I'd get some kind of guidance to do what I need to do and be what I need to be.
Work has been going as I'd like it to go, but somehow there's still a ton of stuff to do. My untouched prescriptions from rotation 1, group project that we have yet to start on while there's still this whole bunch of other stuff to do like newsletter writing and event planning and in the coming weeks, the routine of weekly discussions will resume again. Yups I shouldn't be here typing this, but I sort of miss this place and where are all my photos???!!!!! As expected laziness gets the better of me, so I wouldn't bother uploading.
So now I'm stationed at Great World City, although it's not entirely byebye Tampines One since I've got to go back someday and submit my backlog of work. I miss the neatness and organisation of things in Tampines One and some days I just want to revamp Great World to a different working style, but who's the boss here?! Definitely not me. And sometimes it does feel sian knowing that you've just started to get familiar with some place and it's people, but you're getting scooted off to a whole new place and you've gotta start all over and familiarise yourself again. I guess this forced uprooting is good for people who tend to get too comfortable with routine i.e. people like me.
Because of my familiarity with Tampines One, some days I think I wouldn't mind working in the east after finishing pre-reg, cos the east side people and boss seem like a fun and warm bunch. Well, all that said after attending the east cluster bbq and having quite a nice time just doing friendly, non work-related stuff over the weekend. I guess the east side is really not an issue, but only if I get an outlet that is next to a train station. But of course I shall give the central cluster a chance too, now that I'm in Great World.
Ok no work done for the morning, a stack of prescriptions still staring back at me and now I've got to get ready for work.
If I've made the right decisions. Yet I always come back after one circle of thinking and say 'Yes! It's ok, there's nothing wrong.' to myself. Watching my contemporaries go through all that crazy stuff, especially in the hospitals, makes me wonder what am I doing with my 10 times slacker life. Then I wonder if it's my personality, the way I was made, or maybe the way I've made myself to be. I'm not a competitor, I'm not ambitious, I never was and probably never will be a go-getter, I'm laidback, I seek simple pleasures and I don't pursue challenges. Sometimes I think I'm cut out to be beach bum or a lost wanderer. If only they pay you for that.
Is my life too comfortable? Maybe. Then I think about the training that my friends are getting and wonder if that will make them better workers, better pharmacists, stronger people cos you know after all, they all say what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. But I stop and say to myself, will all that stuff make them better people too? I'm not saying I'm becoming a better person by the day, neither am I putting down anybody's training or environment, but yeah it's just another thought. Maybe it's just that sometimes I feel that all that rigor they're going through makes them more deserving of respect and recognition. But then again, who defines who's deserving? Aren't all these standards made up by us, humans? Like what Morrie Schwartz from Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom said,'The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. You have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.'
Well, maybe I don't really have to be bashed up with multiple blows to be a better pharmacist. Or maybe the bashing will come from busier places, other bosses? Who knows? But whatever it is, I won't exchange my current life for someone else's cos whatever I go through now will make me whatever I'll come to be and the fun part about being goal-less is not knowing what exactly you'll get at the end of the day, yet still being full of hope.
1. I drove independently at night for the first time to pick Parry from work - nice job!
2. On the same night, I gave the right side of the car a few white lines due to overestimation of the size of the exit from Eastpoint mall's carpark. BAD!! What shortlived happiness. First I felt stunned at the sound of the first scratch. Then after some maneuvering (done more by Parry than myself), there was the second screech and my heart froze. And then I felt super duper lousy before feeling extremely nervous to the point of mounting kerb while exiting the carpark. And then came insecurity when I got off the car to look at the damage, to find Parry not feeling really angry about it at all. I mean, isn't a car a man's other wife/girlfriend? So I kept asking if he's angry and if he's sure he isn't during the 30 minute drive home. Ultimate sign of insecurity, friends!
3. NDP!! And the realisation that I've kinda forgotten how to use my camera. Forgot to change settings but photos were fine up until the fireworks segment. I forgot how to use the remote firing device. -_-|| And with only 2-3 minutes of fireworks, I didn't have time to figure anything out, so it was soak in the atmosphere through my eyes and heck the damn camera. Parry (and myself actually) was surprised I didn't end up irritated and annoyed for missing the moment. I guess the best way of capturing a moment really is not through the lens, but through your eyes. And your heart. For the first time, I actually teared a little during a short segment of the parade, considering how apathetic a citizen I really am.
4. Russell's 11th birthday outing. And a long weekend. Well, 2-day weekends used to be normal, not anymore. The puppy is an old puppy. And a cranky one - he wakes up at night to bark at God knows what which disturbs my sleep (thanks also to the rest of the family who refuses to get up and stop him), he pees and poos at all the wrong places and he practises selective seeing, smelling and hearing. Sometimes everything seems deliberate, I doubt it's really a sign of old age. But who knows, really. So it was Blooie's (good fat western food which would have gone well with beer which I haven't had in a long time and which I should have ordered), pet shop-viewing and dog-smelling at the old Bukit Timah firestation, trying out new doggie treats, dreaming of my own shop and house-viewing (for the humans) along Holland area.
5. And so it was back to work. Assessment of progress by the bigger boss on Tuesday. At least I didn't peepee in my pants and she said it wasn't a bad job done. And OH SHUCKS!!! Which just reminds me I haven't found the answer to her question which I'm supposed to provide her with tomorrow. NOOOOO!!! And I thought I could slack already. OK, I might just pretend she didn't ask me tomorrow, but I doubt she'll forget. MEH! Anyway, she asked me to choose 2 areas which I'm most interested in and I told her advertising/promotions and training. I wonder if I chose the right thing especially since I had to pause for quite awhile before giving her an answer. She also told me to pick 2 clinical topics and I picked dermatologicals and public education/health promotion. I wonder what these would lead to.
OK like I always say, I wish I could blog and journal my photos here. But it's probably not happening anytime soon. Cos I'm tired and so is the printer - it's been an hour and a half.
On the train to Yishun now. I have a feeling I'm gonna be late thanks to mis-estimation of time. Didn't think early morning traffic outside my place would be that terrible. School days have indeed become something of the distant past. Huhhuh...
I think I'm trying to look busy on the train, punching the buttons on my BBB. More like just trying to kill time on this longlong journey to Yishun. And I thought Tampines was unfamiliar. At least I used to go to the east for kayaking lessons and etc during JC ODAC days, but Yishun? It's just like going to another planet altogether. At least I've been sent there to do something I think I'd like - mindless packing. The store at Yishun is undergoing renovation and since my (and Victor's) store is pretty quiet, I've been requested to go. Well I get to wear a tee and shorts - the kind of clothes in my wardrobe that don't see the light of day most of the time now.
Ok my hands are a little stiff and tired. The BBB is quite a handful and I have small hands hah! The qwerty keyboard's something to get used to as well. Been sending messages with lots of typos in them cos my stubby fingers miss the right letters at times, but the phone's still a darling. Show-off... I hope I don't by any chance burst the data charges this month. Since it's a new phone, I've been fiddling around with it as much as possible. Well the phone's got me into a lil trouble though. Was super engrossed playing with it while Parry was signing up for StanChart. And in all my engrossment, when asked if I wanted him to sign up for me, I just absentmindedly said yes without thinking through. Yes, I've run this twice already, but that by no means makes me fit still. I'm such a slop now, averaging 1 run a week or maybe even none! Just 2 Sundays ago, I nearly died at the 10km SHAPE run. Had to walk and ached like I did after a half marathon. Yes, I need to train. Managed to drag Lian into it as well haha. So yes we train ar, if not just walk together on the day hah!!! Parry's printed a training schedule, but as of now, no action taken yet.
Anyway, working in a shopping centre which only has expensive food has left me eating rubbish on most days. Rubbish i.e. bread, soya beancurd, 2 bucks oily beehoon etc. That leaves me craving for good food every now and then. A couple weeks back was sushi, this week's ngoh hiang guan chiang, specifically the one in Maxwell. I just can't stop thinking about Maxwell I don't know why!!! Land of good food where I grew up in cos my mum worked there and I used to follow her to work. Ok basically this week's cravings are for terribly unhealthy food. 2 days ago, after a BK meal, I could still stomach half a yam pie and 5 fried nuggets. And yesterday after dinner of fried rice and all-time favourite pig's stomach soup at Parry's, I could still manage 5 Ikea meatballs and 2 cups of Earl Grey tea. It was like binge-fest!! And I'm still thinking of Maxwell... ... Sighhhhhhh... ...
Speaking of Ikea, I just love that place. Perfect for dreaming about your dream house (well and shop too). I just love browsing through and imagining the mismatched furniture in my house (which Parry is already frowning upon just at the idea of it). How about lace and solid coloured grey curtains? They looked really nice to have too. And wooden benches and easy chairs. Argh I'm no interior designer, but yums I love wood. Ok I figure if I can't have these things in my future house, I'll have them in my own shop. That is if my future biz partner agrees hor?? Haha..
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I'm back on the train heading home and it's only 12 plus in the afternoon. Turns out packing up the goods for renovation is not that hard. But Victor predicts a mad day when we do re-merchandising on Tuesday. Merchandising is way more than just taking stuff off the shelves and dumping them brainlessly into boxes. But I still like doing such stuff however back-breaking it may be. Putting things in order and making them look nice and welcoming are things I enjoy doing. I feel that sometimes I enjoy running the shop more than being a pharmacist. Exactly why I can't wait to have my own shop with my own regular customers and sunsine happy staff that I can work with. It shall be a nice, quaint shop meant for relaxing, catching up with friends, hiding in a corner to read - basically a place to catch your breath in the middle of life's hustle and bustle. Which brings me to this: how will my shop be recognised and patronised by a substantial crowd, without it becoming just another franchise without its own special flavour. Yes this is so exciting. Sometimes I wish I was born in a rich family where money isn't an issue and I could just experiment with endless possibilities without worrying about waste and failures. Well don't we all wish for that? But I guess our lives are the way they are, so that we will become the people we will somehow end up to be. Ok cheem.
Hmm this entry is like a transcript of the things running in my head now. After nearly 2 months of long daily traveling hours, I'm beginning to appreciate the kind of me time I get on the train. Never mind that the train is usually packed - just shove the earphones in and think about myself and life. Not too bad a type of me time. Well as long as I don't end up blogging all the time and bursting my data charges.
After all these thoughts, I love it that I'm still able to find that life is still good and will always be full of hope. Sweet.
Did a quick 40 plus minutes jog to the Holland-Farrer area and back with the jogging partner that is my man. Decided to be adventurous and took a new route after turning into Farrer. Ended up running up this mildly slopey area, to find rows and rows and rows of private housing.
More than just semi-Ds, they were mansions and villas with driveways, pools i think, full length glass windows and doors, elegant fish tanks that caught Parry's eyes and everything else fit for a celeb, tycoon or minister.
And the comment that we had??? Just sweeping the entire house will be exercise enough for the day. Erm, I suppose if you can afford such a house, hiring domestic helpers shouldn't be an issue.
So Parry's aiming for one of these elegant monsters for a future house, whereas I, on the other hand, would prefer something smaller, single-levelled and cozy, with quirky unmatching furniture and a slight messiness that says "This is me!" Yeah, I know, why must I be one of those weird, extra, unconventional people right? I have no idea. But being overly sleek, sophisticated and elegant turns me off. I like rugged, tough, special, different things.
Well, when the time comes, we'll fight it out I guess.
And then we ended our real estate jog with a ~200m race back to the bridge leading to the car. We must have looked like idiots dashing as hard as we could.
Sigh, the things we do. I think quirky is the right kind of house to have.
Now, off to the new experiment of collagen tablets and sleep. For beauty's sake.
